It Might Destroy Me But I'd Sacrifice My Body If It Meant I'd Get The Jack Part Out

[lockwood]

It's about the third time Tyler's transformed on this particular day, and it's almost nightfall now. He's lying on the floor, panting and wincing in pain. Tears sting his eyes. For not the first time, he finds himself unsure of whether he can really do this -- if he's really that strong.
When everything hurts like this, it can be hard for him to remember why he's doing this -- what's at stake. It had been such a relief to think he'd never have to go through this again. But it comes with a cost. The floor of the cave is cold and uncomfortable, but he doesn't feel like he can get himself off of it just yet. Everything hurts.

Besides, he's still chained up. It's something he's insisted on. Not only for Bo's safety, but anyone else's too. If he got loose while he was a wolf -- he's not going to risk that.

Comments

[dontkanyeme]

The transformations are the worst part.

She knows that some things don't come easily. Some things you have to bleed for, and for Tyler, this is one of those things. Bo can't really help as much as she would like, because taking the pain out of the equation wouldn't break the sire bond. It's pushing through it.

So she sits just outside the cave, and she listens to him scream until the screams turn to growls, and even then she stays out because she knows how dangerous the wolf can be. She waits until there's silence for a good five minutes, before she grabs one of the bottled waters and a blanket before making her way inside.

As she gets closer, she twists off the top before crouching down next to him. "Drink. It'll help you feel better." Or at least put some fluids back in his system.

[lockwood]

He wouldn't ask her to take away the pain, he knows now he can't. Getting freedom from it -- that's what got him in this mess to begin with. If he really wants to get his life back, he has to do it the hard way. And it'd hard. It's probably the hardest thing he's ever had to do. And he knows he has to do it mostly alone.

Still, it's helpful knowing someone's nearby. It's different that Caroline holding him as long as she could before he started fully transforming, but still helpful. He has someone on his team.

He nods, taking the water bottle from her. He'll probably need to drink blood soon to really help push through this, but water will do for now.

"Thanks," He winces as he sits up, his body still throbbing in pain. He can't imagine it ever getting easier.

[dontkanyeme]

It would. In order for this to work it had to. And later, there's blood in the cooler and booze for everything else, but for now, water. Even if his body was dead, there were still things that could help.

"No problem." She pulls the blanket out from under her arm, moving to wrap it around his shoulders. "How did that one feel? Any different?"

[lockwood]

"Not really." Maybe it's still too early on to tell. He's not sure. He has to believe eventually, it'll start changing. It'll be easier, less painful. Otherwise this isn't going to work. And it has to work.

He opens up the bottle of water, taking a long gulp from it now.

[dontkanyeme]

She takes a deep breath as she sits down next to him, relaxing her shoulders as she pulls her knees into her chest.

"Okay. Then we try again tomorrow."

[lockwood]

"And the day after."

Until it gets easier. But for now, he's going to sit up fully, leaning against the wall of the cave.

[dontkanyeme]

She turns to face him as he does, resting her chin against her knees. "How are you doing with all this?"

[lockwood]

"Honestly?" He asks, sighing softly for a moment as his eyes shut. "I don't know if I can do this."

[dontkanyeme]

"Yes, you can." She sits up a little more. "You're tired and you're in pain now, but a little sleep and some blood and you can get back to it. It's going to get easier."

[lockwood]

"How do you know that?" Because it hasn't so far. Everytime still feels as painful as the last, as tiring as the last. He doesn't feel up to it.

[dontkanyeme]

"Because you have to." She gives him a bit of a look. "Do you want to stay this way? Sired to this guy?"

[lockwood]

He shakes his head. "Hell no."

[dontkanyeme]

"Then you'll do whatever you have to do to make that not the case anymore. Even if it means breaking every bone in your body. You'll do it until it's as easy as riding a bike."

[lockwood]

He nods, taking another drink of water. "That's easy for you to say, you don't have to do it."

[dontkanyeme]

"No, I don't. But I hurt a lot of people before I learned to control what I am. Even when the last thing I wanted to do was stop, I needed to learn to feed without killing people, and I did."

Even now, she still almost exclusively feeds on Fae, but it's good to know that she can be with Lauren, or another human and they'll still be able to walk away when it was over.

"I know what it's like to not have control, Tyler. You do whatever it takes to help you get it."

[lockwood]

"You used to kill people when you fed?"

That, he didn't know.

But it lands, and he nods a little in agreement.

"No matter how painful or difficult."

[dontkanyeme]

She nods. "I was always a succubus, but I was raised outside the Fae. People were trying to protect me so they hid me among humans. I was adopted by a family who had no clue what I was. I didn't even know what I could do until the first time I slept with someone and he didn't wake up."

She still regrets that, and wishes there was a way to fix it. There have been others since then, but the first one was the one that hurt the most.

"It wasn't until Dyson found me that I even learned what I was, and that there was a way for me to control what I could do. I can even heal now."

[lockwood]

Tyler nods a little. "I always carried the werewolf gene, but until my uncle Mason came to town, I never knew. I had a terrible temper, I lost it all the time. I came close to beating someone to death a few times, never understanding why I was the way I was. It sucks, the not knowing."

If he had known sooner, maybe he could control himself, maybe he could have learned to control that anger before Sarah died. But it's too late now, for what ifs.

"You can heal?"

[dontkanyeme]

She nods. "Sort of. I can return their chi. It helps keep them from feeling the affects of what I can do so much."

Her head tips to the side and she starts to sit up more. "I can show you, if you want. But it could get a little ... awkward."

[lockwood]

"Awkward how?" He asks, raising a brow. He wasn't just going to agree to something without having a little more information.

[dontkanyeme]

"I'd have to kiss you." At minimum. "And there's some ... chi exchanging, which can feel a little weird if you're not used to it."

[lockwood]

He hesitates. Caroline had been barely talking to him when he left...but it's not like this would mean anything, he's just curious.

"Okay."

[dontkanyeme]

"Are you sure?" She gets up and moves closer, but she still wants to make sure he's sure. "Because I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

[lockwood]

"I'm sure." He nods. "Wouldn't agree to it unless I was."

[dontkanyeme]

"Okay."

She takes a breath, before leaning in to kiss him. She starts off slow, waiting for him to respond, before she starts reaching for him, pulling at his chi to mingle with her own.